Recently my Dad has been suffering with Prostate Cancer. It has been managed for years with medication and other therapy. It got real aggressive and got into his bones and skull. Not good at all. He lives in Florida with my step mother and I live in New York I haven’t seen him as much as I would like to. This summer I had planned a big road trip and was going to spend a great deal of time down there with him. Due to him being so sick my sister and I decided to just go straight to see him in Florida. We drove to my sisters house in ATL and then proceeded to FL. I’m on the way now and I’m being overwhelmed with feelings. Is this normal? I feel like I should have or could be doing more. Then I try to tell myself well what more can you do? I don’t know but it just feels like I should be doing more while my Dad is dying. Why is the thought of death so devastating? I mean I know death isn't so great but I just don't want to feel this way.
I was down in Florida in November 2008 and death was the farthest thing from my mind. I mean we know as our parents age they get closer to death, but when you're spending time with a loved one you just have a good time. Who knew that would have been the last time I saw my dad lively and well. I still can't believe it. As I type this blog I can bearly see because of the tears that are in my eyes. I wonder...could I have done more?
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