That'll learn ya!

That’ll learn ya!

“That’ll learn ya” [That will learn you] is a southern phrase I have recently started using. I first heard it from my sister, who says her friend in Atlanta, Georgia uses it a lot. It means (to paraphrase) “that experience will teach you a lesson that you will learn from…so you won’t do it again.” I happen to love this phrase because it’s catchy, has some slang and is so so true!

This morning we (meaning me) woke up a little late…but not late enough that we couldn’t get to school in time. My boyz (gotta love that “z” huh?) and I had to really hustle. Well, let’s just say I was the only one hustling…my youngest son had an “alleged altercation” (as my kids get older everything is alleged because they always deny and I only have one other witness--his sibling) in the kitchen. After that episode was over, they were strolling around complaining about breakfast options, sitting down watching tv and all sorts of things that aren’t conducive to getting out the door in a timely fashion. I had already talked to them about our going green plan which is bike riding to school. Due to a medical appointment and several other errands I had already planned, I would not be able to drive them to school. So hook or crook they were riding whether they get there late or not. I hate for them to be late when we are so close to the school, but I think as the kids get older they need to take on some of the responsibilities of the morning rush. It’s always on me! I know I’m the mom but I’m the only one feeling the pinch while they are chilling watching tv and fighting in the kitchen when they know they’re not supposed to be in the kitchen at the same time. They need to sweat and figure things out on their own also so they can be independent. So I told them, “I don’t care what time it is, yall ARE riding to school and yall better get there on time.” My oldest son starting hustling and negotiating with me and I stood my ground. I must say I felt awful. I felt like I was letting them out in a rough ocean on a little piece of wood to try and make it to shore. But I thought to myself if I drive them they will always think I’m going to work things out for them.

As I stood on the porch waving good by @8:18am hoping and praying they got to school by 8:30am, I couldn’t help but think “That’ll learn ya!”

P.S. – I found out later that day that my youngest son was on time and the oldest was 5min. late. After speaking to my sister (who never feels bad when situations like this happens with my teenage nephew) I felt much better about it.

P.S.S. – When the boyz came home from school they noticed they forgot their bike lock and asked me to drive them to get it. “No darling, ride back to school and get it,” I told them. They were thoroughly annoyed but did it. That’ll learn ya—twice!
Copyright 2009

Stop Committing Self Abuse

Despite the fact that I am pretty confident, the other day I had to stop badgering myself for a multitude of things i.e. the house being messy, my finances being messy, dinner not ready by a certain time etc. I had gotten in a real funk over it. I eventually had to tell myself about all the wonderful things that I have done. Has this ever happened to you? When I really thought about it I had just had a conversation with a friend and was encouraging her by telling her all the wonderful things she had accomplished so on and so forth. Why was it so difficult to encourage myself? This isn't uncommon for me. I have a pattern of "Self-Abuse" as I like to call it. I must admit I have loosened up though however I hate that I abuse myself to the point sometimes until I feel bad. I am at the point where I catch myself before the abuse begins. As I get closer to 40 little by little I am learning to stop sweating the small stuff. It's not worth it and there is always someone worse off. I'm learning, if you love yourself, yourself will love ya back!
Copyright 2009

Going green is freedom!

The other day as I prepared for my kids to go back to school I announced that they would be riding and or walking to school. The purpose of this is to go green and get some exercise. Their bikes were serviced and ready to get on the road. My boys wanted to take a test run and asked if they could ride home from the bike shop. I didn't think it was so bad. The bike shop isn't far from their school or home so I said okay. I just went over the route for them to take and made sure they had their cell phone. It was great. I went and ran a few erands came home watched a little tv in peace and quiet and ate my dinner. It was great because they were riding around and I felt so free. When my boys came home I said to my big son "wasn't it great to have a little independance?" My son swiftly shot back "wasn't it great to have a little freedom?" I just smiled and said "no comment".

Copyright 2009

Man Up Jon!

The Jon and Kate soga continues. Last night on ABC Jon Gosselin got his chance to speak his "truth" about the whole situation with the break up of him and his estranged wife Kate Gosselin.

I feel somewhat attached to this story for two reasons. I watched the show "Jon & Kate plus 8" way before this drauma started. I admired how they handled so many children (when I could barely handle 2) and how they stayed married. Their show was real because they yelled and screamed at each other just like a good old American family, until it came to an end. The other reason why it's close to me is because I am divorced and as many know divorce is so hard with children whether you want it or not.

Jon told his side of the story and I must say I wasn't impressed. Jon said that Kate verbally abused him, kept him from his family and didn't let him do anything he wanted to do. He eluded that she didn't make him happy and blah blah blah. This cracks me up. Why is it that men always think we are responsible for their happiness? Why didn't he bother to make himself happy? Did he really expect Kate to maintain the house, take care of the kids and sex him up and make him happy? What was he going to contribute to his happiness? He just sat there and was too lazy to think for himself. He even admitted that too.
Not to be all preachy but God sets up the order of a marriage. One man and one woman joined together to make one. God sets the man as the head of the house. Now a days if the man doesn't take the role as "head of house" the woman will. Unfortunatley, it's what happens. Somebody has to run the house and take an authoritative role. Jon didn't. He said he didn't speak up and said "maybe I was too passive". Uh yeah! He had the nerve to say he dispises the mother of his 8 children on national TV. I was annoyed. I don't care how you feel about your estranged wife, maybe you can keep that to yourself including all of your photos jetsetting across international lines with your new 22 year old girlfriend publicly for your childrens sake. What Jon dispises is himself. He dispised that in hindsight he didn't speak up and be more authoritative in his own house. Instead he listened and did whatever Kate said for years and now resents it. That's not her fault. I admit Kate doesn't seem like a strawberry sundae either, but had he spoken up sooner he might have preserved a little of his pride.

It's clear to me that when the order of the house isn't followed, the house will crumble.

Stories like this doesn't make me wanna run and get married either. I'm certainly open, but always keep things like this in the back of my mind.

Obviously they have both moved on with their lives to the best of their abilities under the circumstances. I hope the best for them both.

Copyright 2009

Summer is ova!

Well the unofficial last day of summer was yesterday. As the cool, almost cold evening air dried my throat I started to ponder on my whirlwind summer. To recap, I drove down to Atlanta, then to Orlando, Florida then to Port Charlotte, Florida then back to Orlando then back to Atlanta. From Atlanta I went to Virginia for a overnight stay (hooked up with a friend that I reunited with on Facebook) then back to New York. After one week of resting I was off to Nevis, West Indies for 10 days which was absolutely FABULOUS!!! Then back home to NYC and then one other quick road to trip to Atlantic City, New Jersey. Wow!!!! I wish I could live my life on the road. It was really fun. In the midst of all of that my dad passed away and that was sad and traumatic, however being surrounded by loved ones made it easier to deal with. Now that I'm home, back to my real life, it's hard to deal with when I think about him...but I'm getting through with the help of the Lord.

I spent alot of time with my family and it made me realize no matter how crazy our family can be at times (family...you know who you are) it's really nice to be with them. At the end of the day, when your so called friends leave you, your family with be there for you (hopefully). I encourage you to spend time with your family, especially on vacay because time away makes you aprreciate the gem you have in them.

With that said I would like to give a tribute to summer:

Ode to Summer

Oh Summer, you came with a great anticipation
due to my fabulous scheduled vacation
whereby I travelled the nation
and now you are just a figment of my imagination.

During that three months of fun
I mangaged to have a burger and hotdog in a bun
Now your gone
and I'm totally torn.

You will return, I'm no fool
I just wish I could take one last dip in the pool
So farewell to my favorite season
To have you all year round I would commit treason.

Sandy

Copyright 2009

Happy Birthday Auntie!!!

Today is my aunties birthday and she had a party at her house...yes on a Monday night and it was crowded. It was really nice. Her apartment was packed with family and friends. She had such a good time. I was so glad to see her happy and enjoying herself...isn't that what life is about? We also kicked off her birthday by going away for a little weekend getaway in New Jersey with my other Aunt who is here from out of town. My auntie booked a room (right on the beach) in this fancy hotel and we relaxed, dinned and even shopped a little (well they shopped alot more than me). While we were there, my out of town aunt was sharing a funny story with me about when she was born. We got on the topic because I asked her how were deaths recorded back in the day in Nevis, which is where she is born. She was telling me how recording vital statistics such as deaths and births were done manually, individually and often inaccurately. In other words if someone was born it was their responsibility to go to the registrars office and record the birth. I assume this is because back then most births weren't in a hospital. The women gave birth at home. According to her, on her handwritten birth certificate it said "male" under sex. She said her father (my grandfather) was the one responsible for going to the registrars office to report her birth. Well apparently there were a couple of bars on the way and grandpa stopped off at a few and had one too many celebratory drinks. By the time he got to the registrars office, let's just say he had been "under the influence" and couldn't remember if it was a birth or death that he was there to record. If that wasn't bad enough, he couldn't remember if it was a boy or a girl. He took a lucky guess and told the registrars office a boy! My aunt said that years later she and my grandmother had to go to court and be sworn under oath that she was in fact a girl!!! Can you imagine? I was cracking up. Well you know what they say, if you want something done right, get a woman to do it.

The weekend ended with a wonderful breakfast at one of the hotel restaurants and a sunshine filled drive home. Many many more auntie!

Copyright 2009

Calling all followers!!!

I have had this blog for 5 months and I have really enjoyed it and have gotten alot of great feedback. Thanks everyone. To date I have (drum roll please) 5 followers. 5 followers!!!! That's almost pathetic. I was on a blog today that had 1,062 followers. I was thinking, what is this chick giving out...Jumbo red velvet cupcakes or something? Although many anonymous people read the blog, I am soliciting for official followers of the blog. Jesus had disciples that followed him. I know I'm not Jesus but there has got to be more than 5 of you willing to support a sister by following this blog. This blog is not just a blog, this blog is a conduit to something bigger and greater. I have a vision & a dream (just like Martin Luther King that one day I will have 6 followers maybe even 7) and it starts with this blog. Please take the time to register to become a follower of Sandys countdown to 40. You won't regret it.

Special shoutout and thanks to my "faithful fabulous five" followers. When I blow up you can say you followed me way back when. Thanks again and may the Lord richly bless you as you follow me.

Copyright 2009

Kiss my caulk!

I have been very productive today. You see lady and gentleman (well I know it's only like 2 of you that read this and I'm the lady so...) I caulked my bathtub before the 10am hour! I woke up and went to the bathroom and was very displeased with the way the previous caulking looked and decided to quickly caulk my tub. I just so happen to keep a lot of supplies like this in my extra shower stall in my bathroom so I immediately got to caulking. As I get "more mature" I realize I'm not as intimidated of these type of projects as I used to be. Maybe it's more like ain't no man in here to do it or I've just been inspired. Twenty minutes later and wads of caulk up under my fingernails (yuck) one of my precious sons stumbled into the bathroom in a sleepy drunken stooper and started to shake his head as if to say "no". I snapped back and said "Kiss my caulk"! He ran out of that bathroom like a bat out of hell. That'll learn him...don't mess with a diva and a caulking gun.

Missing Daddy

My sister told me this would happen...I had a moment when I totally forgot that my father passed away and was like "Let me call Daddy and let him know I'm back". I actually started to call my father. It's kinda weird when you do something so often, that when a person is no longer there you just kinda forget.

I probably wouldn't have gotten him though...

Vacation Depression Syndrome

Vacation Depression Syndrome (VDS) is a condition that I often get when I go away. I get terribly depressed when a fabulous vacation comes to an end. I have been back from the fabulous island of Nevis and still can't get enough. I think I want to move there. I don't know if it's the VDS talking or if I'm serious. I absolutely loved it there. I have tons of family there so I'm sure I would never go hungry if I didn't work (like who wants to work on paradise). Well, there are several ways to cure this condition or at least make die down alittle. One way is to use the exact same scented shower gel you used while on vacation once you get home. Everytime you take a shower once you return home, you'll smell like you did when you were on vacation. Everytime I sniff myself I have fond memories of my vacay and this also gives me a little vacay at home. This has been a real life saver for me except I am running low on the "ocean breeze" shower gel I had been using on vacay. Another helpful cure is looking at pictures of the vacay. Oh this is such a great way to get over VDS. I have some of my pics on my phone so anytime I get a VDS attack I just look at my pics. And finally, go online and start pricing tickets for your next vacay!!! This always helps me because you're like fooling your brain that you are in the process of going away again. It totally works! Miss you Nevis!!!

Inside Out

As I get older I've noticed changing clothes has become a task. It's like, once I get dressed that's it. No wardrobe changes at church, during half the day...nothing. I just can't be bothered. So while staying at the fabulous Marriott World Convention Center in Orlando, Florida I put my bathing suit on and went to the pool with my sister. After we got there my sister noticed that my bathing suit was on inside out! I was like whatever. I could care less, because there was no way I was gonna go back and fight, tug and pull to get back inside of my size 10 bathing suit (leave me alone, buying smaller sizes makes me feel skinny). As we proceeded to the pool, she said "oh Lord the tag is all out." I was still like "whatever". I just didn't care. If anyone noticed I would just smile. After a while in the pool I began to feel severely self conscious and came up with an awesome idea. Why not put bathing suit on the right side underwater?? It was a brilliant idea! I told my sister, who was very hesitant, and she eventually went along with it. I had to untie the halter top and roll the bathing suit down, then turn it right side in. Thank God I had a strapless bra on. We had to roll the bathing suit down off of me, then I had to step out of it and then put it on the right side. At one point I was totally NAKED in the pool!!! Despite how mortifying it sounds, it actually felt really good. Just me in the crystal chlorine water. I felt like Brooke Shields in Blue Lagoon. I was so self conscious. I thought everyone was looking at me. They probably were. There was one older lady sitting to the left of us starring really hard. She must have been wondering what we were doing. I was screaming and laughing all in the same breathe. Once I got the bathing suit off I really felt like just continuing to swim, without clothes. I mean we came into this world that way, why couldn't swim in the buff?

Anyway it was a fun thought and eventually I let it go. I finally put the bathing suit on the right side.

Happy Birthday...

Happy Birthday to my girl J-Lo! You know who you are. You're almost 40 too girl. Don't worry, just read my blog, get a copy of More magazine (http://www.more.com/)or check out the website and slowly exhale. You got 365 days to get it together girl. Join the movement!

Still laughing

at that last blog!

If I hold my pee and let the Lord fight my battle

I was at the pool today at the fabulous Marriot World Convention Center in Orlando, FL and as always I used the bathroom before I went in. But you know, as you relax and swim etc. time really passes by and well you know, you have to go again. Am I really expected to get out of the pool, dry off and go find a bathroom? I was holding it and holding it and then when I began to think about going to the bathroom...and well...it sort of leaked out. I mean what is the purpose of chlorine anyway? Isn't it like a bleaching disinfectant or something? Could I have really been the only one who had a underwater accident? Come on...there were so many kids there I know at least one of them let loose under the water. Well I tried to hold it...Lord knows I did. I'm not as young as I used to be. I can't be popping out of that pool and walking 6000 feet to find a bathroom. This resort was mad big!! Anyway, if anyone was in that pool today and is reading this (Shelley, {my sister and road dawg} this excludes you 'cause I know you did the same thing) please forgive me.

Anyway, it's not good to hold your pee...only your peace. Praise God!

Bloggerlicious Tour Postponed until further notice

Due to the death of my dad, my summer plans were changed drastically. I was scheduled to be in New Orleans at the Essence Music Festival to interview a few celebs & personalities for the blog but circumstances changed. The tour will be postponed until further notice. Thanks for understanding.

Final goodbyes...

Yesterday was the committal service for my dad. A committal service is when the ashes (which have already been put into an ern) are prayed over, blessed with holy water and then placed in what is called a niche (which is similar to a burial plot except it's for people who have been cremated-which was allegedly his request according to my stepmother). The ern was beautiful. For some reason that made me feel really good. I don't know, maybe in my mind it was as if he was placed in a platinum coffin or something but it really gave me some comfort. The ern had his name, life & death dates and a beautiful inscription that simply read "Rest In Peace". The Episcopal Father who conducted the service asked if we,"the family" would like to have words. This should have consisted of Myself, my sister and stepmother, however my stepmother didn't show up (let's not even go there). We drove 2.5hrs from Orlando, which is where we were staying for part of my time in FL, to see my dads final resting place and my stepmom (who lives in that town down the road) didn't even bother to show up. What's that about?

Anyway, we said our goodbyes. I was sad, but I felt closure and I felt good that he was placed in a beautiful ern. I never really thought about that before, but nice things really make a difference. Shout out to Kay-Pongers funeral and cremation services (http://www.kays-ponger.com/). Hey even a funeral home needs a shout out every now and again.

Even though I'm a big girl (almost 40), it's really been hard having to come to this realization and conclusion that my father has passed on. God has really giving me strength through this. My mom already passed away so it's like wow...I have no parents. It feels a little empty. Sorry for being so melancholy but being almost 40 comes with alot of sucky moments like this. I really just have to try and remember the times (like Micheal Jackson said).

Bye Daddy...

A tribute to my father

This is a reprint of an article that I wrote in 1999 for Spritual Essence magazine. Please excuse any typos.

Last breath...

My sister and I along with my girlfriend and a few others drove down to ATL with the plans to continue on to Florida. The only reason we drove is because I wasn't medically cleared to fly. So rather than wait, we just hit the road, which was in our summer plans anyway. The drive to ATL wasn't so bad. Each adult did 4-5 hours each and we knocked it out. On the road we spoke to my stepmother and found out my dad was now in a coma. My stomach totally sunk. I didn't even want to tell my sister when I heard this new development because my sister gets very emotional and I didn't want us to loose focus. I suggested we briefly stop in ATL and continue on instead of resting in ATL and leaving in the morning for Florida. This decision proved to be critical in getting to my dad in time. The only problem is that we were to tired to drive through the night to FL. My sister made some calls and we found a friend who could drive us all the way to my dads house. It was perfect! We hit the road at 2:45am and got to my dad around 12:30pm in the afternoon.

When we arrived my stepmom was...well, I guess going through and she didn't greet us or anything? Is is me? I mean I thought we would be hugging and maybe even crying but she totally blew us off. I guess she had alot going on. I tried to kiss her and she pulled away. Not sure why that was.

As I went into the room where my dad was he was breathing really hard as if he was working real hard to stay alive. We talked to him and held his hands. He was still in a coma. After a while I stepped out of the room to talk with my stepmom and the nurse. After the nurse checked his vitals, she reported to us that they were very weak and we should call his pastor and begin to pray. Shortly thereafter a minister from the church came and prayed with him and then he passed away...

My father waited for me and my sister to come. I know it!

I'm so glad I got to be with him one last time before he passed away even though he was not concious. He sort of gave me closure. I think my dad knew if we didn't make it in time it would haunt us for the rest of our lives. God worked it out so we could say goodbye and feel some type of closure for ourselves. I was there when my father took his last breath and will have fond memories of better times.

Going to see Daddy

Recently my Dad has been suffering with Prostate Cancer. It has been managed for years with medication and other therapy. It got real aggressive and got into his bones and skull. Not good at all. He lives in Florida with my step mother and I live in New York I haven’t seen him as much as I would like to. This summer I had planned a big road trip and was going to spend a great deal of time down there with him. Due to him being so sick my sister and I decided to just go straight to see him in Florida. We drove to my sisters house in ATL and then proceeded to FL. I’m on the way now and I’m being overwhelmed with feelings. Is this normal? I feel like I should have or could be doing more. Then I try to tell myself well what more can you do? I don’t know but it just feels like I should be doing more while my Dad is dying. Why is the thought of death so devastating? I mean I know death isn't so great but I just don't want to feel this way.

I was down in Florida in November 2008 and death was the farthest thing from my mind. I mean we know as our parents age they get closer to death, but when you're spending time with a loved one you just have a good time. Who knew that would have been the last time I saw my dad lively and well. I still can't believe it. As I type this blog I can bearly see because of the tears that are in my eyes. I wonder...could I have done more?

Time Frame of Life

After speaking with doctors prior to coming down to FL they spoke very frankly to my sister and I concerning my fathers health and time frame of life (I hate that term even though I made it up myself). One of the doctors said after seeing my dad and hearing about the seizure he had he suspects he has 1-2 weeks to live. Seriously? Are you kidding me? One to two weeks to live? I had to wonder to myself, despite this mans sophisticated medical training and letters behind his name how he could put a number on someone’s life so easily. I always thought that God was in control. The bible asks the question “Whose report do you believe?” I believe the report of the Lord. I don’t care what time frame they give him I will believe God until the end. Man cannot control Gods work. So I choose to believe that whatever Gods will is. My fathers time frame of life is in Gods hands.

I'm back!

It's been a while since I've blogged because my father was very ill and I had to go to Florida to be with him. He passed away June 28, 2009. Here are a couple of blogs that I prepared to post but couldn't due to obvious reasons. Rest in peace dear ol' dad! I love you forever.

Optimism or Cynicism?

The other day someone was telling me about a mutual acquaintance of ours that was getting married. Normally the eternal optimist that I am (or used to be) would be thrilled and elated. I politely showed excitement and hopefulness for the new couple. Then out of now where 'Ol Lady Cynicism' rared her ugly head right in my mind. I began to think 'oh yeah right...another unhappy couple in America. Yeah, they'll do well with that 50% divorce rate creeping up the charts. Is that brother even working?' OMG! I was horrified! Who was this horrible voice of pessimism screaming in my head? Ol' Lady Cynicism is that you? I have had an experience with this intruder before but never this intense. Ol Lady Cynicism comes around every now and again when I get super excited or enthusiastic about something. She's so cynical and pessimistic. I remember back in my twenties when someone would tell me about upcoming nuptials and I would be beside myself thinking "another happy family in the making". Remember those super optimistic thoughts of our twenties...oh how cute. Now Ol Lady Cynicism steps right in to distort any optimistic thought I can conjure up...it's totally crazy. In a world where everything seems so bleak these days we must fight the thoughts Ol' Lady Cynicism and know that if we have to make a choice between optimism or cynicism, optimism is always the better choice, even though cynicism can be sooooo funny!

Long Distance Caregiver

As I get older, my parents are getting older too! Although, as they get older they may not be counting down or celebrating the same way I am. I find that my sister and I are somewhat long distance caregivers/listeners for my Dad and stepmother since they live in Florida. As they get older they need so much more support than ever before. After having a talk with my stepmom about finances, health insurance, bills etc. she was very overwhelmed and so was I. It's really not that easy getting older however, I found out being a compationate listner even from afar can be of some comfort to the elderly. After a while though, I must admit she was wearing me out, even despite the texting my sister and I was doing during the phone call (we're so tech savvy). But this was a reminder that this could be me one day talking to my now 9 & 12 year old boys. It reminded me that I need to make sure I instill compassion in my own kids so they can be prepared for the long road ahead of them which may include caring for their parents physically and/or emotionally. I know I'm not a Psychotherapist or anything but after that phone call I think I deserve some type of title. This is Dr. Almost 40 signing off!

The Bloggerlicious Tour 2009!

Well kids since the summer has unofficially begun, I've decided to officially go on my "Bloggerlicious Tour 2009". On this tour I will interview some very influential celebrities, tv and radio personalities, blogebrities and even a few regular folks to discuss the top things everyone must do before turning 40! Some of the things I would like to do before turning 40 is get a grown up bedroom set (see past post), go on a cruise, renovate my kitchen, have a fabulous 40 photo shoot complete with risky photos (just playing), a fake tatoo (can't do needles) and have at least one book completed, published and under my belt. Another area in my personal growth I would like to improve is procrastination...it's a beast that I must beat.

I would love to hear from you! Tell me the top 5 things you MUST do before turning 40. For our veterans who have already crossed over into this wonderful threshold I would love to know what landmark thing(s) you did to reach this milestone in your life. It could really help us kids who still have a ways to go. Holla at your girl!

Grown Up

I recently visited a friend of mine who just moved into a house. Her place was beautiful. I was so happy for her. As I entered her bedroom I was totally floored. Her bedroom looked so "grown up!" She had this massive kingsize bedroom set. I climbed up on her bed and felt like a little girl on this huge bed. Why did I feel like a little girl? I had to go back to my childhood and investigate my past. I recall many instances as a little girl when my father would introduce me as the "baby" or say to his friends proudly "this is the baby!" That's because I am the youngest of four. Additionally, as a kid my siblings and I couldn't just go into my parents bedroom. That was a place for "grown ups". My parents room was practically a sanctuary. Everything was in place, neat and changed periodically. I began to think about my own bedroom...actually my own pathetic bedroom. Mix & match furniture, no spectacular bedding and the same dusty curtains on my windows for the last three years. Have I no respect for my bedroom...or myself? My bedroom is supposed representative of me...a fabulous almost 40 woman!

I have decided that if I'm going to turn 40, I've got to do it right. No more "this is the baby" and lackluster master bedrooms. It's time my life and home represent my almost 4 decades on this earth. I've worked hard, lived right (well almost), and turned out some great kids. It's time for me to focus on having my surroundings be representative of me...a fabulous almost 40 woman all grown up!

Jon & Kate = Hate?

I was watching the Jon & Kate plus 8 reality show and as everyone knows there's much drama going on with them right now. I watched this program way before all the drama came to surface, so I am very familiar with the dynamic of their family (at least on TV). When watching them discuss their "marriage" it was very sad for me. It stirred up my own feelings of when my ex-husband and I was at that point where you know there ain't no reconciliation and it just hurts. It hurts to think about having to create a new path without the people you started out with. As Kate cried during her interview, I cried. As Kate wipped her tears, I wiped mine. I identified with her pain as if the interviewer were asking me the questions. I'm not saying she won't do well, or that she can't make it. It's just when you get married you think it's forever...or at least that's what it used to be for Barbie and Ken remember them?

I'm not trying to judge Jon, but in his interview (which by the way are separate now...they used to be together) he seemed so cold and detached. I remember seeing that very same emotion in my ex-husband and it's almost like you wonder if you ever really knew each other? Like...who is this brother. Where is the guy I used to laugh and bug out with? Who are you?

Divorce is never pretty (unless your name is Ivana Trump), but I'm sure they will get through it. As we get older God gives us the wisdom to handle all the things we cannot change. Watching this made me think of that Jasmine Sullivan song 'why do we love love when love seems to hate us?"

Morning Hustle or Hassle?

What a crazy morning!! I've been getting up late due to my nightly midnight appointment (Sex and the City on the CW & TBS--my guilty pleasure). I'm not always able to stay up but I did last night. It seemed like everything that could go wrong did. My youngest son had gym today and he has to wear his regulation gym uniform. Well due to being sick last week I was very backed up with my laundry. I had to end up washing the uniform last night and hang drying it. Well this morning when we woke up (a little late) the gym uniform was still very wet. This is not the first time this has happened. What I did was (absolutely crazy but when done carefully works!) Because I don't have a dryer I put the uniform very carefully in a warm oven. I check periodically until it is totally dry. It has worked in the past with very little problems (please don't ask my other son about the "very little problems"). Anyway, after making oatmeal, ironing, making lunch I had forgotten about the gym uniform. I was able to get the shirt out in time. Needless to say, the pants weren't so fortunate. The pants got a little burned. Not so bad though. My son kept asking me "Are my pants ready yet?" 'Yeah, fried, dyed and layed to the side' I thought. "Yes sweetie but they're just a little browned in a small area of the pants...okay honey?" I said in a very comforting tone. After the FAQ's (frequently asked questions) section of this fiasco, he accepted my honesty and proceeded to put on the pants once they were cool. It's probably about 8:09am by now and we have to be at school at 8:30am. As I finish up in the kitchen feeling accomplished and resourceful my son screams "My pants are cracked!". OMG, the small browned area of the pants was so dry it actually cracked!! What's a mom to do at 8:15am? I grabbed my clear masking tape and taped that joker up on the inside. After all, taping on the outside would be so tacky. My son looked at me and wanted my opinion in how his pants looked. "It'll do for now baby" I said. He was fine and problem averted. Then, how about a fight breaks out in the bathroom while my two boys are brushing their teeth. All I hear is screaming and crying. I had to scream my lungs out in order for them to stop. You would think the my youngest son wouldn't want to be involved in an altercation right about now with the cracked tapped pants and all, but he did. We were so behind schedule they couldn't eat breakfast at home. They had breakfast on the G.O. which is the acronym for "Get Out". We finally get out the door and I dropped them off. All I could do is exhale as my car clock read 8:28am. Phew! As I pull off I saw the school principal and he comes over to say hello. I noticed he kept looking up at my hair, as I proudly smile since he knows the kids weren't late. He asked if that was a new hair style. As I looked up in my rear view mirror all I saw was this nub of a pony tail. OMG, I forgot to attache my ponytail when we were running out!! I was mortified. I can't imagine what I looked like. As I began to pull off in shear embarrassment I heard a voice screaming "Mom!" I looked in my rear view mirror to see my oldest son running some kind of olympic sprint toward my car before I turned the corner. Turned out he forgot his project that was due today. Oh God, he begged me to go back home and get it. Of course I did because we can't have anything jeopardize Jrs. scholarship next year. After dropping off the project, all I could think was is this a morning hustle or a hassle? I'm so tired and it wasn't even 9:00am yet. I'm too old for this. I can't do this for another couple of years. When I wake up I don't want Hustle or Hassle. I just want to roll over and say "Hey Honey". Is that too much to ask for? Messing around with Ms. Carrie Bradshaw totally jacked me up today!

Fight!

This past Sunday my Pastor preached about fighting for what belongs to you or what is rightfully yours. I really identified with the message. So often in life I let things slide and not fight for it. It could be as simple as being told no at a store and not asking for a supervisor or receiving a denial in the mail and just letting it go. The message inspired me to stand up for myself no matter what it is. My pastor discussed standing up for your health, marriage, children etc. Seriously real life issues. It was obvious that the entire congregation felt like fighting in the spirit because the entire church just went up in a praise and we all began to fight in the spirit. It was really good.

After service I went to a discount store to pick up chips. These are special chips that they don't ordinarily carry. They are actually gourmet chips which retail for like $4.99 a bag in D'Agostino's and other specialty shops, but I had been getting them for $.99 a bag. I had been buying them there for a few weeks and absolutely love them. I noticed on the bag that it was past the expiration date but I didn't care because they are so good and healthy. I also noticed there was a sign that read 2 for $.99. Wow, I was so excited. I picked up two bags and the cashier said they are $.99 each. I proceeded to show her the sign. She let me know that was meant for another product. I told her it was past the expiration date. She still insisted they were $.99 each. She then pointed to the manager and I told him that the bags were past the expiration date. "How can you sell them for full price?" He mumbled something and then I said (kinda loud so everyone could hear) "The chips are past the expiration date!" "Okay, okay 2 for $.99", the supervisor said. Hip Hip Horray!!! Justice for all! You see my friends, my fight may have been small or insignificant to you, but a fight none the less. To the victor goes the outdated chips!!

Vessels of Life

Recently I had a minor invasive procedure done. Don't worry, I'm good & no I didn't have cosmetic surgery...although the thought did cross my mind since I was on a cold operating table...(and why not just bundle all my surgical needs and desires together I thought...that's another blog...ANYWAY)! As I was on, what they call "the procedure table" which is actually just a non-threatening way of saying the operating table), I heard the attending physican tell the nurse that my large overwhelming breast was in his way. Okay he didn't say large or overwhelming but he might as well had. He actually asked the nurse to move it. I wondered where on earth could she possibly move my breast? Now mind you, I'm half naked on the "procedure table" with several other nurses, physican assistants and med technicians standing over and around me. You could imagine the horror. I was totally mortified. Then I began to think that these precious DD's had been revered as vessels of life to my children. I had breastfed both of my boys for close to two years collectively. My DD's had fed my children exclusive breastmilk which made them healthier children as a result. I should know, I'm a breastfeeding advocate. For those of you who don't know, children who are breastfed are less likely to get ear infections, tooth decay, and diarrhea. Additionally, breastfed babies are less likely to have childhood diabetes. So where does this bigshot physican come off telling her to move my breast. My DD's are practically the equivalent to what Jesus did when he was on earth...he performed miracles. I performed miracles with my DD's too. If breastfeeding two african american boys to full satisfaction on two breasts ain't a miracle, I don't know what is. Well, the next thing I knew that chick was trying to tape my breast to one side of my body. All I could think was "Seriously? I fed my children exclusive breastmilk for almost two years and you want to shoove my life giving DD's to the side?" Anyway, her attempt at trying to dispose of my vessels of life were stopped when the physician said "Oh forget it...it's not really making a difference. Then he said "Sandy, are you okay?" Now here is my opportunity to give him a piece of my mind, half naked on the cold "procedure table" I thought. Well I decided to let him have it and said "I'm fine."

I thought as you get older you get the guts to speak your mind? Well, I guess being half naked on the cold "procedure table" in a room with several people looking over me may have had something to do with me not being totally forthcoming. Anyway, everything went fine.

Long division...the final frontier

Today my 9 year old son was having a long division crisis. "I don't understand it Mommy" he cried with big precious glassy tears in his huge brown eyes identical to mine. He didn't understand how he kept getting a remainder. I had to reassure him it was okay not to always understand as he looked up to me for wisdom. I didn't have the heart to tell him I didn't always understand either. That's when I took the time to do some real life long division. Let's see: income divided by too many expenses equals nothing and no remainder. Doesn't seem complicated to me. Or how about real life dating division: 1 fabulous girl (that's me) divided by 3 guys who don't want to commit to anything but a low budget date equals me single. Again...not complicated. What I don't understand is that why can't there be a remainder in life? What about some remainder cash after expenses or what about a remainder guy who wants to be all about me for a change? My poor baby thought he didn't understand, but to tell you the truth I don't always understand. Sometimes all a girl needs is a remainder.

Happy Mothers Day!

Well Mothers Day is over, however is it ever really over? Here I am at 12:34am on Monday. My 9 year old son is passed out on the couch and I have to get him upstairs to his bed (yeah right), iron school uniforms (how about find school uniforms) and try and watch the 2nd Sex and the City on CW11. I reflected today on how blessed I am to see my children grow up. My mother died when I was eleven years old. I can't even imagine not being able to see my 12 year old son grow up and go to school etc. We are so blessed! Even though Mothers Day is over, every day is an opportunity to enjoy your children and life. So what the house is untidy and you decided to order take out (again). I'm quite sure my mom would have given anything to see me all grown up and see her grandchildren too. Life is too short to worry about the small stuff. Cherish and value every minute. To all the overworked overstressed moms out there...give yourself a break! Live life.

Totally Pathetic!

Well, it's official...I'm totally pathetic! Not only do I get stood up by men I just met, but now I'm getting stood up by my girlfriends too! Is this what going on 40 is all about? I had plans with a friend to hook up on Mothers Day Eve and was really looking forward to it. I called all her reach numbers, texted her, I would have sent a smoke signal if I could. No response. It's funny, I expect men to do this. You know, no call, no show...but now women/friends are standing me up too. What was so bad is that I really felt bad. I had no back up plan as I usually do. Anytime I make plans with a guy (especially a "new guy") I always have a plan B because a "new guy" can have flaky tendancies I don't know about. But I really didn't think I had to have a plan B for my girlfriends. Well, don't feel bad for me, I'm learning that sometimes you have to go solo. It's like when I taught my oldest son to ride his bike. I held on and supported the back of his bike for weeks with him until he felt comfortable. Then eventually he went solo. If I want to really enjoy life despite issues that are beyond my control, I'm going to have to go solo. The next time something like this happens I'm either gonna have a plan B in place or continue with the plans solo. Hey, I came in this world by myself...I think I can go to dinner by myself.

My girlfriend apologized profusely because she went out earlier and her outing ran over. She also left her phone at home. She eventually sent a text and straigtened everything out. I knew there must have been a good reason, but it was a good lesson for me.

Technically Un-inclined

I started this blog approximatetly 2 days before my birthday on April 16th. It took me over two weeks to get it up due to computer issues and just being technically un-inclined. I set up the blog account but I couldn't post for some reason. I wonder if this has anything to do with my age? I used to be so good with stuff like this. I told my sister if I don't get the blog up and running by this weekend I would have to start from scratch because by the time I get it going, I may be 40. So I finally got it and now I'm ready to take you on my journey to 40. Enjoy the ride.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Well it's official, I have less than 365 days until I turn 40. My birthday was April 16th. Wow, you know this is a milestone age that I have been talking about for years and now I'm almost there. This years birthday was really nice for me. My girlfriend decided we must celebrate so she cooked up some food and we invited over a handfull of friends and had a nice time. What I loved about it was that it was all about me. There are rarely any times when it's about me and it felt really good. I put on a hot "I'm not forty yet" outfit and pranced around, socialized and laughed with my guest all night(including my new very young friend who came and looked absolutely gorgeous). It was just what I needed. Every girl needs to be celebrated. I totally recommend doing something and recognizing yourself for your birthday. It really made me feel soooooo special. It also made me realize that celebrating yourself is not self indulgent. Sometimes mothers, wifes, sisters, teachers, First Ladys, aunts etc. put out so much out for everyone else that matters to they forget about themselves. So to celebrate you can be very healthy for the inner man. I will also make it a point to celebrate others as well. I felt good way down on the inside, that I was smiling for days. It was so good, I decided to extend my birthday to April 30th. My kids wanted to know who approved that. I said "hey, I'm almost 40, I don't need no approval."